"Be angry, and do not sin; ponder in your own hearts on your beds, and be silent. Offer right sacrifices, and put your trust in the Lord"
Be angry, and do not sin - I find this verse very interesting, because alot of times I think that we are to view Christians like Care bears who run around in a world void of hard things. We are given emotions for a reason. We are not to be ruled by them, yet they also at times help us to see what is wrong or right in a situation. To only use emotions alone to guide you is alot like getting rid of your other senses and just trying to smell your way through life. You may be able to smell smoke from a fire, but you wouldn't know which way to go. In the same way if we just let emotion take over, we may very well fall prey to sin. We may take control instead of letting God do what he promises he will do. Does this mean that the wrong done is validated...No. It is ok to to feel, just don't let your feeling lead you to sin. So what do you do with it?
Ponder in your own hearts on your beds and be silent - Emotions may help reveal that action is needed, but they also may be an inaccurate source as to the amount of action needed. You are supposed to ponder in your heart. What is the difference between pondering and obsessing? I think that pondering is done with right perspective. You measure the wrongs done or situation against scripture and objectively - realizing that you are both not perfect, so what went on? Obsessing is just that, you make the offense the obsession, it is the only thing you see and it voids scripture from your thought process. The charge is also to be silent. This is also backed up in Psalms, a rash word spoken is very seldom profitable, and my favorite proverb : better to be silent and considered a fool than to speak rashly and prove it to be true.
If you read in James 3, you see that our tongue is extremely hard to control. If you add emotional trauma to that, then you have a very volatile situation. A harsh word could ignite a fire that destroys much more than you intended, much like a forest fire.
Offer right sacrifices, and put your trust in the Lord - The wrong done does not give you the validity to stop doing what you are supposed to do (make right sacrifices). You are never justified in sinning or taking matters into your own hands. This is sin because it basically removes your trust in the sovereignty of God and promotes yourself to judge. Don't get me wrong, restitution may need to be made, and God will provide that in His time. It may be different than what you seem to think, but God has a bigger view and plan than yours.
It is ok to feel, don't invalidate feelings so easily. The issue is what do you do with them. Think of it as a maintenance light coming on in your car, it is a sin that something is wrong. If you start yelling at the car, it doesn't do any good, you may have to take it to someone else to see what is wrong, or give it time to see the pattern before dealing with it. But you are supposed to take it to the divine mechanic or creator if you will and trust Him to put things rightly back together.
I pray that God would grant you wisdom and insight, and draw you ever closer to His side.
ps - please comment, i would love to get some feedback on this topic and this blog.